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Where am I?

by MASK

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1.
Why? 06:17
Too many questions to ask Quit trying to find all the answers Could you come closer and listen? So I can stab you in the back Hey why are you so paranoid? I just always have your back My words will try to protect you Even if my actions never do It’s not some competition Even if you tend to lose Why did I end up here? Was It something I had said? Was I too far away from the nest? Or did I ever really leave? Why did I end up here? Did I force myself to fly? Only to jump off the cliff And descend to the depths and die You’re always pessimistic But I’m not much to talk Hey wait I thought we weren’t competing Let’s move past that and try to walk it off I’m always trying to listen But you don’t seem to do it well You scare me when I’m near you Now come on and get out of that shell You’re always trying to hide Don’t try to argue against the facts Why did I end up here? Was I pushed for far too long? Was it my quiet demeanor? Did I just not look the part? Why did I end up here? Was it never meant to go this far? Am I about to be left behind? Or am I about to leave?
2.
You scare me 07:17
We never seem to talk I can never get a word in You never seem to speak I’m just too busy to have the time You always hide away Open up and it gets slammed shut We need to deal with this I would but you always freak me out You scare me It’s my only shield against you But it still hurts all the same Hey it’s not some stupid contest Why trade my grief with shame You scare me You’re clearly the monster That I need to run from But I’m always trying to help Hey don’t ruin the story you’re no fun Why don’t you show up on your own? I don’t know a soul in sight You need to come out of that shell There’s more to it than that Why can’t you be less pessimistic? Can’t say you’re making this an easier night We need to deal with this And yet every problem here seems to involve you I scare you? You never pay attention Do you look into the mirror And understand the monster That’s looking back at you? I scare you? Every phrase comes out with passion Not a single word restrained Every grievance that I have Comes down your lane Why do I scare you? Why do I scare myself? Why do I scare you? Why do I scare myself?
3.
When? 03:42
It used to be so fun When we would joke between our classes I seemed to have fun When you’d spout such stupid phrases to the masses And yet I sit here reminiscing On the days that are long gone We sit here in the past Cherry picking all the memories on the branch And the poison never lasts The anti-venom is applied At least we tell ourselves that To take it all in strides Do you know what time it started? Do you know what year it was? Do you know when it all declined And the rafts drifted apart? When did it start To nosedive towards a drain? We had everything to work towards Going against all the pain Why did it end with a pitiful lull? Just a couple disagreements And you’d abandon it all? There was always disapproval When we’d start to make a song I tried to contribute But you said every phrase was wrong And yet I sit here reminiscing On the scars that are long gone Disgusted by the past Cherry picking all the memories on the branch And the venom starts to spread Until the remedy’s applied We say it never really hurt And just take it in strides Do you know when it started? The poison running through me When did we drift apart? I just a saw a movie with you last week When did it start To nosedive down the drain We never had a chance to Persist through the pain Why did it end With a pitiful lull? The unbreakable bond Being oh so razor thin When did this start When did it end I just want to know when it all began (x4)
4.
2015 07:27
I’ll play piano And you play guitar I have a roommate with a bass I think I’ve made my case We need to get a drummer But none of them have a set Save up the cash And we’ll be on our way It was a blank canvas the guitarist had the key To a name that would cover us A name that would help us hide We thought it was edgy We thought it was cool But at the end of the day The band was just a plank of wood And we set up the room Would play every night And we tried to record Not even sure of what we had just played Do you remember 2015? We had all the laughs And all we would do is scream Do you remember 2015? Where the room we played in Was never really clean And cops knocked on the door We didn’t hear it since it was going to the beat And then our bassist left His grade weren’t hot so his mother brought him back And then there were two We kept on going till we passed out on the floors Started butting heads Passive aggressive glances going left and right Do you remember 2015? Where we thought we could Share the same dream Do you remember 2015? Where I wrote a few songs And that was the end of the team I never tried to act bitter You never tried a compliment I gave my heart to it with the hours on each track You never wrote songs and couldn’t have my back It was so lonely And I’m still lonely And yet we kept trying To make it work I would write in secrecy You’d spout some nonsense in response I’d get impatient And you’d tell me to chill But you don’t write a song You just perform for a thrill Do you remember 2015? My songs were too much Of an adjective you’d give that week Do you remember 2015? The songs that you wrote still need lyrics and a melody Man it took so long to get us out there We did an open mic after about 5 months It took so long to get out there It took 3 years until we got our songs online Though I can’t say the days were wasted Still trying to figure out how live out life School was in the way too Assignments overbearing us left and right Do you remember 2015? We still argue About what songs we should sing Do you remember 2015? You disassociate yourself But expect to still be in Do you remember 2015? You haven’t changed a day Since the band started Do you remember 2015? I guess I’d have to say that I’m about the same I think it’s time to tell the truth You’ve gone a chosen a different path And I’ve gone and stuck to mine I hope you won’t have any hard feelings as times pass
5.
Who... 01:47
You spent 7 minute 28 talking to someone we don’t even know I wish you’d cut the crap And give me a name (but who?) I couldn’t put a face to this One-way conversation These songs are here To avoid retaliation I know it sounds like a cop out I know I sound like a lying prick I would try another way But I’m still feeling sick I’m not expecting anyone to listen I’m not expecting some kind of retort This wouldn’t be here now If this wasn’t a last resort I’m not sure if there’s someone Who needs to hear this I don’t’ need a figure To hang all my problems on I might be the villain Steering you towards your end But sometimes the villain is a Hero who couldn’t save them all I didn’t frame this as a Call for help I just needed time to Understand what I felt
6.
It happened in a flash One second I’m driving home The next I was crushed between two mini-vans and now, I can’t figure out what to do next It’s been half a year Since I walked out of that It’s been half a year Since death creeped back in my mind I still drive a car And I still get on the roads Every time I’m behind the wheel The end of my life is finally known I don’t think I have a tomorrow But I need to plan for it Need to forget about my sorrow I’ve got to save up for some useless shit I hate that I have some regret for not faking an injury I knew that I shouldn’t have gone for my backpack first I still know the song that was blasting through the stereo I still know every comment that the others told me It’s not that bad Did you call the cops I couldn’t even See you stop there The leak’s not bad We could drive away Now we’re stuck here Till police decide to arrive It’s all your fault Are you ok Why weren’t you careful Did you call the cops? It’s all your fault Did you get a ticket It’s all your fault It’s all your fault And it happened oh so fast But I could recollect every second of each and every scene It wasn’t life flashing before my eyes I was asking myself if I should live or die But I’m still here And I guess I’m happy to still be around But I’m just wondering if one small change Could have taken it all away That broken plastic That shattered glass Those busted tires The impact of the crash That broken plastic (It’s not that bad) That shattered glass (Did you call the cops?) Those busted tires (The leak’s not bad) The impact of the crash (We could drive away) That broken Plastic (It’s all your fault) That shattered glass (Are you ok?) Those Busted tires (Why weren’t you careful) The impact of the crash (Did you get a ticket) It’s all your fault It’s all your fault It’s all your fault It’s all your fault And now I’m here And I guess I’m glad But all that fear Can’t be all too bad
7.
What? 01:05
What did you say? Could you repeat that? Had my attention divided 18 different ways I got some texts I got some pics I got some gifs My bad I meant g(j)ifs Did you say something? What did ya say? Were you talking to me? I thought you were What did you say? What did you say? I just want to be heard
8.
I’m way too quiet I’ll murmur every word And even when I shout I’m still never heard My words won’t sink in A dead silence proceeds They’ll ask me to repeat it They’ll ask me to repeat it Can I have a voice? One that’s bellows through an opera house. I just want a voice To harmonize and stay in tune I know I’m talking to myself I know I’m answering my own questions But I don’t know how to bring it up Because the one listening aren’t the ones that need to hear it Should this even matter to me? (I guess not) But I can’t seem to shake it off (Of course you can) But I’m my only foe And they still won’t listen to me No matter how loud I scream and shout I need to leave this broken nest And find a new place that was always home Have I finally found a voice? I guess that’s up to me I’m scared to have a voice I’m not sure if I want to speak Have I finally found a voice? Now they’re all looking at me I’m scared to have a voice What if they got the wrong idea Wait. I might have missed it but, were you saying something? No... it was nothing
9.
Where am I? 09:59
It’s so hard to see It’s getting hard to breathe The fog thickens the further I seem to walk The only thing I feel is the grass between my toes There’s nothing up ahead There’s nothing creeping behind me I start to see a figure forming from the shroud It draws me closer yet I still can’t make it out It’s never getting closer I’m never getting closer A mirror appears before me Showing things I don’t want to see And when I try to turn away They keep finding a way to fix the image right in front of my eyes The monster is in front of me now It still shares my shy demeanor It’s still unsure to provoke me with its horn Its hooves keep shaking at the fears unknown Where is home? It’s not the apartment I sleep in It’s not the place where my parents live I can’t say I’ve ever lived there before The mirror finally turns away Disappointment finds its nest in me It turns back to have me meet myself again The image is something unimaginable The rotting corpse rears its face up at me At first the sight was so frightening Yet it could barely stand Bracing the collapse that would surely follow I haven’t moved an inch since these visions Then how did it seem to get closer? The figure towers over me The shadow makes me blend in with every blade of grass I’m not sure how long I’ve been stuck here But it feels like time is still I can see what’s up ahead But the fogs seems to thicken as I approach My reflection appears again There’s nothing strange within the mirror I try to look back at the figure that’s still obscured But the mirror keeps getting in the way It’s unsettling to see myself for once The dreadful, dead stare with bags under the eyes Then I try to smile to change the image But the image doesn’t change to my mask Where am I? The place feels so familiar But the fog changes its meaning It’s all changing but the image remains the same It’s hard to see I don’t want to see It’s getting hard to breathe I can barely hold it in And the whole scene stops The leaves stay suspended in the air The fog dissipates And the picture’s finally clear I just look down Hoping the tears blur my sight But as I raise my head towards it It finally makes sense now Move on
10.
Move on 05:42
I’ve been rambling on for way too long Hell I was so torn up I wrote too many songs And I don’t feel better In fact I’m emptier than before Re-watching every moment that’s passed It holds a stronger meaning with each view It’s getting hard to head to bed I can’t keep these thoughts locked up The fog surrounds me again It’s great to be in this fearful dream It’s getting harder to wake up With five more minutes I can surely forget My head is stuck in the past I know it’s something so cliché Did it matter what the songs were about? Or was it just an excuse to break the band apart? Are the songs I’m writing now even justified to sing? Or is it some self-indulgent affair? I’m not ready for what comes next Even though I know what needs to be said I need to move on Rip off the bandage and endure the pain It’ll be hard to move on All these questions still plaguing my head It’s time to move on Get out of the rut and get myself some fresh air I need to move on Enjoy the seasons and make sure not to fall I need to be real honest I’ve held in so much pain I really needed someone But I guess you never came I was lucky to have them around me But the moments were so short It’s nothing personal But it’s time to say goodbye

about

Ok, where to begin? So a little before the EP came out I was dealing with a lot of life stuff. Right after the cowboy EP I had planned to start a different project entirely and even made some small demos to help me better envision the direction I wanted to go. I tried to continue it for about a month or so but I was so caught up on these problems that I couldn't focus on this new album idea.

As the pressure kept building I felt it was necessary to better confront these issues through a creative medium, that being music. I started by only writing one song, that being "2015", but as I finished writing up the lyrics I started to figure out ways to make more songs to better confront these demons.

The album eventually took shape to what it is now. It essentially became a confrontation with myself. I know answering myself isn't the most productive way to deal with these issues but I felt that picking myself apart in this manner helped me to better express my grievances while moving past them.

A constant mindset I had when making this album was that it was "the album I didn't want but needed." It isn't much of a tagline but I would still say I feel that way about the album now. Now that this is finally out I can start to work on the project I originally wanted to work on.

I hope everyone that takes the time to listen, enjoys it or at least sticks around to express their opinions on it. So, even though this is a redundant sentence to type, enjoy the album and look forward to more in the future!

Also since this is being posted during all of this COVID-19 stuff, I just want to say to everyone that they should stay safe and try to stay home if possible! -Louis

credits

released April 16, 2020

Louis Messina - Guitar, Keyboard, Drums, Bass, Vocals

Subpar Album Art - Louis Messina
All lyrics, arrangements, mixing, & music are made by Louis Messina

Special Thanks
William Gan
Kelly Northcraft

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MASK Clermont, Florida

A band going one strong!

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